After a night and a morning of "early labor" (during which the midwife and my sister came and went, and the midwife came and nearly went again), she was born on Sunday after a couple hours true "active labor", just in time for tea. How very ladylike.
She looks like me as a babe: wee chin, smashed ears, deltoids to boast about, and the roundest head you've ever seen. She is also a brunette (not like me), has Grammie's hands and nails (takes after Mara then, too), and has these perfect rose bud lips that just kill me.
I had secretly wanted a girl. A boy would have been more practical, but I'm not the practical sort anyhow. I didn't used to want a girl; it is a very recent phenomenon, and timely--kind of like wanting another baby at all. Throughout the pregnancy, and admittedly a little before, I kept finding little girly things--a toddler's dress with embroidery, a (very) silly, sentimental placard poem for girls, a vintage quilt. I hid them away in one of my drawers and didn't even show Kevin for a few months.
I didn't want to think it was wishful thinking or intuition. I didn't want to think about it at all actually. It was just nice to get a little excited about something baby-ish, even if it wasn't necessarily my baby.
But here we are anyway. Eden Elizabeth Rose. Her middle name is my middle name and my mother's first. Her second middle name is in there because I couldn't get over it. It felt right. And today I realized her head smells like afternoon roses warm from the sun. So.
By the way, Cedar is thrilled, most of the time--when he's not sprawled out on the floor crying because we forgot a snack and he's starving and I took a bite of his pre-dinner apple. We've had our moments. But it feels just a little more stable than last time. And it's shockingly delightful to watch us all adjust--as if I actually have some perspective. I know there's a bit of an underground trek through a this tunnel that smells funny and is slippery and cramped and totally weird. But I know this time that it's just a little tunnel, not the entirety of life. And there are such lovely things in that weird place: quiet moments, little hands, the generosity of people we love, and this girl I wanted so secretly.
Thanks for being here with us, and for letting me introduce you. Be back soon.